Archive for ‘new beginnings’

May 3, 2013

Shift

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This is bigger than me.
This.
What is coming. What is now.
Terrifyingly gorgeous to hold within… making me new.
Different.
There is no “as it’s always been” anymore.
Everything is…
Different.

Shift.

Oh, shift.

You wake me in the night with gentle light, slowly intensifying…Leading me into this.

This.

It consumes me
I wrestle to find comfort in my restless discomfort. Pushing from the inside… growing,  alive.
Changing me.
Changing my mind.

All that does not want to go resists…
And the war within to keep ties with the past
Slowly
Slowly
Subsides

Surrender to the volume of it.
The height
The breadth
The depth
The width
Of worth and treasures colliding into an abundance… an inheritance.
A birthright.

I was made for these moments
For this walk and this work
Words arising
Heart pouring
Mind renewing
Lives changing
Holy becoming
Miracles manifesting

In This.
This…Shift.

April 10, 2013

Welcome, New Moon…

Welcome New Moon

I have always had a deep love for the Moon…
entranced by it’s BIGNESS and allured on those nights when only a mere sliver is seen.

I often feel so kindred to it’s moods and transitions
The Moon and I… we’re made up of the same stuff
Our cycles go from big to small… or at least we appear that way to the human eye.

Intrigued by the wonders of the sky… of tides and seasons
The fears of past tribes quenched my craving to know why I am so deeply affected
So moved by the rhythms and patterns of this great Creation
The intoxication of soul and physical response as the waters within crave nearness to the Shore’s tides.

I welcome a new knowing…
Now that beliefs are shifting and the God parameters are appropriately expanding
I choose to embrace that there are depths unspoken

I want in on that conversation
Holy Spirit holds my hand
and we venture out into the expanse
together.

Welcome, New Moon.
I’ve admired you from afar until now
Do you mind if I come closer?
I’d love to know of your mysteries

I’ve got all night, if you do…

August 20, 2007

>A New Beginning…

>Here I go again… starting over.
It seems to be a theme for my life.

So this time, instead of making all of the promises I never keep… I’ll just be excited about this post today. Okay…

So life is still interesting as always… and I’m still the same, over-thinking, pondering, discussing, ready to share girl I’ve always been. And I’m finding out more and more… that it’s totally okay.

Life’s sure changed ALOT since October of 2006. Goodness… that seems a million years ago.

And you know what… instead of wasting time… and emotions on trying to bring you up to speed with all the changes… I’m just going to start from today… and in time, if you continue to read this… you’ll figure out what’s different for yourself :0)
Sounds good to me.

I’m watching “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”… and eating Chocolate ice cream from Baskin Robbins right now. It’s great therapy for the cranky, moody, girlyness I’m going through today.

It feels funny to be this crabby because I’ve been so “on top of the world” for so long. But it all seemed to hit me on Friday… all the anger, hurt and well just so many unhappy feelings that I’ve been working on not feeling. smiling.

I don’t like being sad… it’s really alot less fun than being silly or wild and crazy… you know?
But I suppose that we get ourselves into trouble when we try to have all joy and no sorrow, huh? i’m learning.

You know… somedays… I feel so grown up and ready to conquer it all. I feel able to be professional with my clients and a mentor to the young people in my life.
Somedays I just feel soooo capable!

not today.

Today, I would like to be beside my mommy… watching black and white movies and eating popcorn or whatever else we decided we wanted. Just being together… talking some, being quiet some… and falling asleep here and there.

that would be so nice.
i really miss her, especially today.

i miss a few things today… a few people.
and u know what… some of them don’t miss me.
some of them feel free now.
now that i am out of their life.
it’s surprising to know that i am that to someone.
someone to get away from.

ouch.

really ouch.

But the world doesn’t stop turning and life is still to be lived. And I plan to live it.

I may be damaged… yes, deeply wounded right now. Still there is love. Still there is hope… and still God is amazing.

i hope you’re having a happy day today.
it hasn’t been for me… but hey, i suppose you can’t stay on a happy streak forever.

at some point, you’ll run into an old mutual friend… and it won’t be there words, but their silence that hurts so bad.
sometimes in an effort to spare us pain, people will wound us with the things that are left unsaid.
yes, we need nearness. we need smiles and to laugh.

but me…

today…

i really needed words.

October 17, 2006

>Again!

>Well well well!
It’s been a long time since I’ve posted, once again!

Here I am… picking up where I left off… again!

Life has been quite interesting since spring time (I think that was probably the last time I posted). Many changes have happened… some joyous, some heartbreaking. And yet, there is one thing that lasts through all of the changes. I’m still here! Smile.

I’ve met new friends… parted ways with some old… reacquainted with past loves and sighed at the thought of fanning a new flame.
Does it ever get easier? Make complete sense?

Tonight, I sit on my bed… too sick with a cold to join my friends for coffee and a great word… yet not sick enough to forget all of the things on my mind and turn in for the night at 6pm :0)

Restless… would be a good word for me.

My lifestyle has changed so much… some from my own doing… some by the choices of others.
And for the first time in my life, newness is not overwhelmingly welcome.

Have you ever grieved what was never really there? Awaken to realize you had been dreaming, yet not asleep?
Hope deferred makes the heart grow sick… I think I could write this story.
But not because I long to linger in the sadness of “this will never be”… but because I know that God has a turning of the page in near sight for me!!

At the end of me… I am discovering a place in God that I had only imagined there could be. In Him, I am finding that I do not have to have all the answers. I do not have to know the reasons behind the obedience. I don’t have to be strong enough not to cry.
He reassures me that it’s okay to hurt.
He comforts me in abandonment.
He holds me when even in the summer sun, my heart feels cold.
He tells me it’s alright to share my feelings… the deep ones that others would never share with just anybody.
And again… it alright for there to be more tears.

But there’s a morning!
Oh, what a sweet morning it is!!
For after the weeping… after the wailing… after the hurt so deep you feel you’ll drown… JOY COMES IN THE MORNING!!!!

I’m not sure where you are right now in your life. Maybe you’re on the mountain top! Maybe you’re walking on the water… Maybe you’re smiling with the radiance of one who is content… or maybe like me… you’re rising from a long wintery season of life!
No matter where you are… it’s okay. God is STILL in control.

I am looking forward to what Spring will bring… as my heart is renewed.

And as I begin again… to share Life from my view.. I ask that the Lord will be exalted through each line… each word… each personal truth.

Dear Daddy,

It’s been so long since I desired to put words to what my heart has been feeling. This summer has not been the most joyous one of my life. There have been so many hard things… and yes, so many joys… yet my clouded mind found it easier to linger upon what was painful. But God, I thank you that… as always, you’ve brought me through.
You’re amazing.
Lord, may my life’s story show accurately… the face of a deeply broken woman who is prone to wander, make messes, over-think life, let you down and simply not live up to her potential.
But may the greatest and longest portion of the story be that portion that paints you to be precisely Who You Are!!!
God, You are My Savior! My Song and My Sweetheart!
You are the One Who has never turned away…
You are the One Who has never been ashamed of or bored with me.
You make everything Fine!!
Lord, You have been beside me through all of the confusing times… and have held my heart when it hurt the most! You, Oh Lord have desired me when I was the most wretched!
You… have been a Forever Friend… through all of my irritating ways. Wow! Thank you, Lord!

And so tonight… I think you for the days that have led to this one!
Though they have been difficult… I have learned more about You through them.
That makes each moment… so worth it!
Thank you for thinking I am WORTH IT!
Everything You went through for me! You’re amazing!
Thank You, Sweet Jesus… for being EVERYTHING to me!

I love you,
Tracye Lynn

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