>Not okay…

>I often go from highs to lows in 0.7 seconds.
Life is so full of complexity and yet simply… I believe that in those moments when I am faced with something or someone that makes me feel substandard… though it shouldn’t, it still rocks me to my core.

My heart.
Such a messy place… such a scary warzone, even for the one who keeps it locked in side.
So much art, unrevealed for fear of judgement.

Am I abnormal? Is my life too outside the box?
I’m not even sure I ever had one to begin with.
Can someone tell me where to buy one?

Who do I have to know?
What do I have to give… to feel complete, for real?

They told me it was in God?
But still on somedays, I’m so very empty I could die.
Simply. Stop. Breathing.
Why does everything take so much effort.
And why does so little come back to you?

I feel as though I’m always losing… and cheering. You can do it, everyone else. You can be that! You can go there! Your dreams will come true.
And you know what? They do.

And I turn the calendar… another year… another page… another tear… repress the rage… smile anyway and say ” i’m okay”.
But I’m not.

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