Archive for February, 2008

February 25, 2008

>Falling!

>What a fun weekend…
Did something I haven’t done in maaany years.

roller skates

Oh my gosh, I went roller skating for the first time in probably like 15 years!
I wish I could say that it was like riding a bike… but um… nope, is was NOT :0)

Everyone that I was with… was like a pro… so I felt horrible when I found myself flying through the air and landing on my behind.
roller skates

It was pretty hysterical… and yes, I had fun :0)

From there… it was off to Karaoke… where we danced the night away…. OMG!
Though I didn’t get the nerve up to sing… our crazy group hardly ever left the dance floor for about 2 1/2 hours!!!

Soooo…. all that to say that I’m doing really good right now. Having alot of fun and enjoying life in so many ways. I am falling…. literally and yes… in “that” way too. It’s good… really good.
It’s nice to feel alive again.

More later… i promise :0)

Hey Love,

What a great night the other night!
It’s so great to grow smaller with You.
It’s amazing how after the most painful seasons of my life… I can find myself experiencing more bliss and enjoyment then I have in years.
YOU are my reason why.
In a room full of the most incredible people… You still hold my heart!
Thank you for leading me to a wonderful group of crazy friends… and allowing me to be young and a little bit crazy.
I’m loving exploring all of the parts of who you created me to be…. especially the ones that have been stifled for awhile.
It feels so good to fall in love again.

I love you, amen.
Tray

February 6, 2008

>Stormy Weather…

>tornado

It’s been pretty crazy here in Nashville.
Temperatures have been mixed up and the atmosphere is just mad about it!

Turbulence. Unrest. Disquiet.
All of the things that are happening in nature… and I see it in my heart as well.

God is shaking us.
He is stirring us from our slumberous lives… walking around not fully awake… not hearing His sound or seeing the signs.

Solomon already told us that our quests here are all in vain, yet we continue to gorge ourselves on what is void and empty… and we still want more.

Last night, I was a bit annoyed that my Tuesday night plans were interrupted. Living on my own personal island called “just me and what I want to do”… I don’t have to surrender to someone else’s ideas unless I choose to. And I find that the older I get, the harder it is to allow someone else to make decisions for me.
Well, when Biggest Loser was pre-empted for news broadcasting about Tornado warnings, I was upset. My mind muttered something about how they should just have a special channel for this kind of stuff.
And then, the conditions outside caused me to lose wireless internet connection. Now I was super-mad! This is ridiculous!
Now, I not only can’t get my weekly fix of weight loss motivation… I can’t put my Avon orders together either cause I CAN’T GET ONLINE… MY LIFE IS OVER …. AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHH!

So I pouted for a few seconds and flailing myself down on the couch, I finally became still.
It was then that I heard the reporter speaking with great concern in his voice.
All around the area, people were being devastated… losing their homes and their lives.
Oh.
Oh my gosh.

Sleeping Beauty (Brat in this case), was awakened from her self made slumber.
Oh, God… it’s not about me.
It’s not about my wants and my plans.

All of a sudden, my tiny little island became connected to the world again.

And in those quiet hours, He was able to speak to my heart and restore my peace… all in the midst of the storm.

To The One Who says “Peace Be Still”, and the winds obey… I say thank you.
Once again, You answered the cries of my broken soul… even when I did not know the words to speak.
You amaze me with your overwhelming Love and the power that you have to stay any storm… whether it is physical or emotional.
You are The Healer… You are in control.
Father, be with those who have been ravished by storms outside. And God, please draw so close to those who feel as though their mental and emotional ships have been capsized.
You are in our boats with us.
And we can rest… in the midst of the Storms… because You are.

With great gratitude and an awakened heart… i love you.
tracye

February 4, 2008

>Laying down my cape…

>So I don’t really feel very prolific these days… just a jumbled mess of a girl who often feels she wants to stop the world and get off.
Been feelin’ alot like that lately… and so that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.

It’s amazing to me, how taking time for yourself affects the people around you. We can all be so self-absorbed (insert self in that statement first). When someone pulls away from us, the very first thing we often think is “what did I do wrong… or what is it about me that’s so bad”.
Maybe, just maybe, that person has some stuff to work out for THEMSELVES!!!

Okay, I’m ranting…
And that’s were I’ve been lately… so I’ve tried to save you from having to endure it… endure me.

I’m learning that about myself… that I’m always trying to save someone from something… or someone.
Um… not my job!
So why is it such a passion?
It’s not always because I care… well, not so much.
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It’s just more of a role that I acquired a long time ago… that seemed to work for me. You know, grant me some favor… make me a little more “necessary” in important people’s lives.

But did God ever ask me to be anyone’s Superhero?
(blink… blink… sound of crickets)
I’ll take that as a NO!

I’m laying down my cape.

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Hey Superman…
I realllly need you today.
My attitude is just not the best and I’m not doing so well with seeing what you see.
This is definitely a day for some much needed rescue.

Today, I choose to take my cape off and lay it down at your feet. I give up… this saving the world business is much too much for me.
Will you still let me just be your sidekick?
I think I’d like that…

I don’t need much… just Your hand to hold and Your presence, so that I don’t feel quite so alone.
Will you speak up for me, when I just don’t know what to say? You know, give me the answers when my feeble mind fails?

Can I rest in You, even as I work?
I really need to.
I love you.
Amen.

February 3, 2008

>There’s so much going on.
Today, my head spins with thoughts about just everything.
Are you like me… always thinking about a million things, all at one time?
Sometimes I laugh when someone says… “You’re so calm” or “You’re just so quiet”. Whew, if they only knew the clattering clutter in my brain.

Welp, that’s just who I am… a thinker.
Constantly pondering things, questioning and wondering.

This year is moving so fast.
January has brought more new things, friends and adventures. It’s fun to learn how to let go of all the Shoulds and Have to’s… and realize that I DON’T really have to do any of that.
Yep… I’m a rebel.
And I’m okay with that.

So what do you blog about on a day that you’ve decided to share your thoughts on paper… but the million and one in your head are all fighting for the Headline?

I think for today, I’ll just suffice it to stop in and say hi… let you know that I’m thinking about you… amongst the many other things.

Oh, I know… I’ll share with you a song that seems to stay on the Jukebox of My Mind alot lately.
Ever since the New Year’s Eve show that she sang on… I’ve been pretty smitten with Natasha Bedingfield’s music. There’s just something about her voice that I really connect with. I remember how much I liked her song “Unwritten” a couple years back.
Now, I’m totally intrigued by “Love like this”.
The original radio version is my fav… but I was jamming out today and came across this really cool acoustic version that totally rocked me.

Enjoy… my 2nd favorite song right now:

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